"Where's Aragorn?" Legolas panted breathlessly as they broke the kiss.

"I don't know. I have a feeling the Twins took him away," Haldir said dismissively before attempting to kiss him again, but Legolas just pushes him away.

"No, where's Aragorn? I'm going to get in big trouble—mmpffh..." he started but the rest of his words were drowned out as Haldir grabbed hold of Legolas' head and pressed his lips firmly against his. Legolas shuddered, feeling himself grow fully erect under the larger elf's ministrations.

"Ai!" he moaned when Haldir drew back. "Oh, Elbereth..." he breathed, as his eyes clouded over with lust, but shook his head and forced himself to snap out of his daze. "No," Legolas said again. "Stop!"

"Why?"

"Because Aragorn--"

"Aragorn's not here."

"But where is he?" Legolas pressed, then whimpered at the sensation of Haldir's tongue, hot against the sensitive point of his ear. "Don't," he whimpered, though it was clear through the strain in his face and voice that stopping was the last thing he wanted Haldir to do. "Oh, Elbereth..." he moaned softly.


*fazy snaps in impatiently* //He's in the bomb shelter you ass. The Twins brought him there, bound and gagged so the two of you can get it
on. And let me tell you it wasn't easy cos the guy's a ranger but they still managed to do it so you had damn well get on with it before I decide to kill you both!//


*Haldir, Legolas, Frodo and Elaine look at fazy and sweatdrops. Twins enter, wiping their earthy hands playfully on each other's backs. Everybody now turns to look at the Twins and sweatdrops again.*


Thankfully, Haldy decides he'd much rather hear Legolas whimper than fazy or the Twins scream. He chooses this moment to grind his hips firmly into Legolas and is well rewarded for his efforts. Caught off guard, Legolas throws his head back as a strangled gurgle escapes his wide open lips.

"So tense," Haldir murmured disapprovingly. "I would have you open up to me, dearest cousin."



*Twins look at each other incredulously.*
"Dude, they're cousins?"
~Dude, I didn't know that, dude!~
"Well, neither did I."
~Maybe he's like, just calling him 'cousin'.~
"Like the way we call people 'dude'?"
~No! Like, the whole Elves As A Single Brethren thing~
"Dude, I thought a brethren was this, like, cheap place to check out the chicks"
~Dude, that's 'Brothel', dude~
"Like the one in Hong Kong?"
~Yeah.~
"So this Brethren..."
~uhuh?~
"Is it anything like a family thing?"
~Yeah.~
"Like Brotherhood?"
~Yeah.~
"You sure?"
~Like, duh! Of course I'm sure. Brethren means Brotherhood~
"Cos I'm sure it means something else, dude."
~Man, trust me, I know this.~
"But--"
~Who's older, you or me?~
"You?"
~Yeah. So you listen to me! Trust me. Brethren is Brotherhood.~
"Okay."



"So tense," Haldir murmured disapprovingly. "I would have you open up to me, dearest cousin," he crooned seductively into Legolas' ear.
"And how would you do that?" Legolas countered, but rather than getting incensed, Haldir just smiled indulgently. Legolas might be trying to play hard to get, but the slighter elf's pink flush of arousal was painfully obvious against his fair alabaster skin. With agonizing slowness, Haldir swivelled his hips against Legolas and grinned smugly when it tore a ragged moan from Legolas' lips.

Legolas shuddered violently. "Haldir..." he breathed, his long pale fingers digging into expensive Armani trousers. "Haldir..."

"What is it, my lovely?" he crooned, looking down at the prone figure of Legolas. Careful not to hurt his ex-lover, stretched himself fully on top of him. He chuckled. Legolas tickled him. Or rather, the frantic pace of Legolas' breathing was causing the elf's chest to rise and fall impossibly fast, and lying on top of him, Haldir's own sensitive tummy was tickled by the movement.

"Why do you laugh?" Legolas asked in a pained voice as his fists came up to bunch in Haldir's pale hair, forcing him downwards, and Haldir responded, rubbing his nose against Legolas' porcelain white throat.

"Do you like this?" he murmured. Legolas closed his eyes and whimpered his reply. Smiling at the slighter elf's reaction, Haldir kissed him and drew his tongue across the arch of Legolas' neck, making him tremble with desire. Legolas whimpered.

"Haldir," he moaned, squirming beneath him.

"What is it, my pretty?"

"Do me?" he pleaded. "Oh gods, do me, Haldir."



*fazy raises an eyebrow.*
~do me? *do* me?!? ~
"dude, that was so totally off"
~like, it was such an anti-climax~
"Look at me! Look at me! I'm Legolas!"
*Elrohir flip into 'melodrama' mode.*
"Oh, Haldir!"
*Elladan flips into 'melodrama' mode*
~What is it, my love?~
"Haldir..." *elrohir raises a hand weakly to his forehead*
~Oh, my loveliest! Please... tell me what I must do to please you!~
"Oh, Haldir, Haldir!"
~What is it, my sunshine?~
"Haldir... do me!"
*Twins burst into helpless giggles. They collapse on the floor, laughing*
//shut up, Twins. It was in the script.//
*twins ignore fazy*
//oh, do shut up.//
^muumphffeosemmmmmsssfffpt^
//somebody un-gag him. please.//
*Twins un-gag Frodo.*
^as I was saying, who asked you to write something so lame? It's your own fault.^
//*whining* but it was in the dialogue...I was just following what was already written...//


"Why do you laugh?" Legolas asked in a pained voice as his fists came up to bunch in Haldir's pale hair, forcing him downwards, and Haldir responded, rubbing his nose against Legolas' porcelain white throat.

"Do you like this?" he murmured. Legolas closed his eyes and whimpered his reply. Smiling at the slighter elf's reaction, Haldir kissed him and drew his tongue across the arch of Legolas' neck, making him tremble with desire. Legolas whimpered.

"Haldir," he moaned, squirming beneath him.

"What is it, my pretty?"

"Do me?" he pleaded. "Oh gods, do me, Haldir."

Haldir felt his body tremble with desire. He swallowed hard. He never dreamed that after all these years the sight of Legolas helpless beneath him could still take his breath away. He closed his eyes, and resting his head heavily against Legolas' chest, he moaned softly. "Legolas..." he whispered. Legolas whimpered, and Haldir could feel the fists tightening against his hair, pulling painfully at his scalp and Legolas increased his grip of the soft pale strands.

Pulling himself upwards in line with Legolas' face, Haldir sealed his mouth against his and plunged his tongue deep into Legolas' throat, leaving Legolas to squirm his distress. When Haldir's roving hand rested itself lightly against the bulge in Legolas' trousers however, the Mirkwood elf froze. It was almost funny, the way his entire body went rigid, everything from his limbs to his facial features suddenly frozen in place.

"What's the matter, Legolas?" Haldir asked teasingly. He gave Legolas a quick squeeze and Legolas convulsed once, violently.

"Ai!" he cried, gripping Haldir by the shoulders. "Please, you are killing me! Please..." he cried, his voice dying down to a whine. "Please," he whimpered with each laboured breath. "Please, please, please, please," he whispered, his words and his breathing melting to become one. "please..."

How could he say no? Trembling himself, Haldir lifted Legolas' shirt above his waistline, and plunged his hand into the other elf's trousers. Tilting his head slightly so as to allow him to fully savour the sounds of Legolas' arousal, he started stroking the other's crotch firmly. Beneath him, Legolas threw back his head and moaned.


^oh no! Oh no, oh no,oh no, oh no, oh NO!^
//sssh! I'm trying to listen! Hush up a bit, will ya!//
*Frodo moans*
~dude, chill~
^no, you chill!^
"dude, is there like, anything wrong?"
^damn right there is! They're on my nice new expensive couch!^
//ssssh! I'm trying to listen! Shut the hell up!//
~so?~
^ Elven pre-come is impossible to get off!^ *Frodo buries his head in his hands* ^noooooooooo....^
//Really?//
*fazy turns to look at Frodo incredulously, just as Legolas arches his back and cries out, then falls limply back onto the couch.*
//Damn you Frodo!//
~dude, chill~
//I missed it! That damn hobbit made me miss it!//
*fazy locks Frodo in a choke-hold. Twins pry her off. They all settle down again and continue to watch, though fazy is still muttering something foul under her breath. Frodo sighs mournfully.*
^Oh well, at least he came in his trousers. If we're lucky they won't get anything on the couch.^