Chaapter 2

Legolas fell limply back onto the couch. "Haldir..." he breathed, and licked his dry parched lips. "Haldir..." he murmured weakly.
Haldir chuckled. "Tired already?" he taunted. "My, my. What have you been doing with your Man, that you tire out so fast? What happened to that stamina of yours, my lovely? We used to stay in bed days at a stretch. "

Legolas smiled and reached up a hand to tuck Haldir's hair behind his ears. "That was a long time ago," he smiled, "when we were new to each other."

"Either my memory is playing tricks on me, or yours is. I remember we were as thus till the very end. In fact, I remember how our final night together blurred into days and days, and not one of us noticed the passing of the month."

"I noticed," Legolas whispered. "But I didn't say anything."

"You didn't want me to go."
Legolas nodded.

"And I didn't."

"But you found yourself another lover. Just as I knew you would"

Haldir nodded.

"You're an animal."

"That's why you love me," Haldir growled into Legolas' ear. "Because I'm an animal. I'm such a base impure ogre of a slut and it thrills you!" Legolas shuddered uncontrollably at the other's words. Though he had just recently spent himself, the elf felt himself harden once more. "You love the monstrosity, Legolas," Haldir's voice whispered on, sending waves of excitement buzzing through his spine. It was as if his whole body tingled with pent up lust. "You love it. You crave it. You need it. You need me!"

Moving so quickly it caught even Haldir's elven eyes off guard, Legolas slid free and pounced on Haldir and together they tumbled off the couch --


*Frodo beams happily*
^They're off the couch!^
//You're an ass, you know that?//
^But that was my favourite couch! And it's brand spanking new! And you know once it stains I'll never be able to get it off. Elven pre-come is impossible to clean. Just look at the stairs!^
*All eyes (except Legolas and Haldir, cos they're busy at the moment) turn to look at the carpeting on the stairs.*
^You see that ugly patch there? That was Legolas.^
~Dude, trust me. That's not Legolas.~
"Yeah, Legolas is way down there." (Points to Legolas on the floor.)
~Yeah, with Aragorn... uh, I mean, Haldir.~
// He means that was what he left behind when he came, idiot.^
"Came where?"
^On the stairs.^
~Dude, why would he come on the stairs?~
"Dude, to get upstairs! He's gotta come up the stairs to get to his room."
~If he's gotta get to his room, why would he leave something behind?~
"I dunno. Perhaps he'd just have to bring it right down again when he goes off to work the next day. No point in carrying it up and down again every day."
~Oh. Yeah, makes sense. So what did he leave on the stairs when he came? His briefcase?~
"Dude, he don't have a briefcase. It must have been his coat."
~The one with the pretty beige trimmings?~
"I guess. Does he own any other coat?"
~I don't know.~
"So why is Frodo all upset about Legolas leaving his coat all over the stairs?"
~I dunno. Maybe he's like, just afraid someone might trip over and fall?~
"That'll be nasty."
~Yeah.~
"There was this one time, Celeborn came..."
~And he brought this huge fur coat~
"And he left it all over dad's staircase"
~And then dad came down the stairs~
"And he didn't see Celeborn's coat, see"
~And so he tripped.~
"Yeah, and fell all the way down."
//Will you guys shut the hell up about coats already? I'm trying to listen here!"


Moving so quickly it caught even Haldir's elven eyes off guard, Legolas slid free and pounced on Haldir and together they tumbled off the couch and onto the plush Kashmir rug where they proceeded to wrestle and grapple on the floor.


*Frodo clutches his head and moans*
^Nooooooooo! That Kashmir rug was a Christmas present from the people at WI!!!!!!^
//SSSSH!//
^whine, whine, sob. Why me? Why here? Why now? Why them?^
~dude?~
^My precious rug!!!^
||At least the couch is safe||
^But what am I going to tell the nice people the next time they come over for a WI meeting?! I've already used the 'milk' excuse on the stair carpeting!^
"Er... you guys really really like milk?"
^Awwwwwwwwwww.....^
*A loud bang sounds as Legolas rams Haldir hard into a high stool*
^Noooo! Beautiful stool! Aw, my stool, my stool...^
*Another bump as Haldir retaliates and drives Legolas into the coffee table*
*crash*
^Oops....^


"Oops." Haldir stops dead in his tracks. The two elves look up at the tabletop and see to their horror, the Ming vase tottering precariously at the edge. They watch as if in slow motion as the vase rocks under the force of the hit table. It totters...totters... and *crashes*. The two elves stare in horror as the vase makes hard contact with the floor and shatters into a bazillion pieces, each piece bouncing delicately off the floor in a gross parody of a dance.

"Oh...oh...."

Haldir looks down at Legolas, shocked into silence and Legolas stares back equally stunned. His eyes goes from Haldir to the broken pieces of the vase, back to Haldir again.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, he pounces on Haldir, pinning the larger elf firmly to the ground before pressing his lips to his, and Haldir's eyes grow large with astonishment. "But...but... I thought it was your favourite vase?" he gasped, tearing free of Legolas' lips.

Legolas waved his hand in a 'pooh-pooh' manner and proceeded again to seal his mouth firmly against Haldir's. "I never liked it all that much," he conceded, digging his nails into Haldir's scalp.

Encouraged by Legolas' brazen disregard for the fate of the (again) dead vase, Haldir let him kiss him, and slowly rolled Legolas over so that the slighter elf was once more beneath him. Legolas gazed up at him, his eyes heavy with lust.

"Yea gods, Haldir," he whispered, his face taught. "Hurry," he pleaded. "How many times must you make me beg before you take me?"

"I am not making you beg, little one," Haldir breathed. "I have already given you your release."

"Ai, but that is not enough!" Legolas wailed.

Already trembling from his prolonged arousal, Legolas' words made Haldir bite his lip so hard he tasted the coppery tang of fresh blood fill his mouth. Wordlessly, he slipped his hand under Legolas' plain white shirt, already soaked with the elf's sweat, and ran light fingers over Legolas' newly exposed torso. The Mirkwood elf's chest was smooth and hairless, hi skin was unbelievably fair and white, and silky and flawless as a baby's. Hardly trusting his eyes, Haldir ran his tongue across the perfect skin, and Legolas whimpered at the sensation.

"Perhaps we should find ourselves someplace a tad bit more private," Haldir whispered, and although Legolas moaned his dissent, the Lorien elf just smiled softly. "Surely you do not wish to disrobe before your companions?" he said lightly. "Of course, I don't mind; they seem to be enjoying themselves anyway, but as you so politely pointed out, I'm just an elven slut, whereas you are an elf with finely honed sensibilities," he teased.

Legolas' eyes drifted from the five pairs of eyes watching them to Haldir and then back to the group huddled against the far side of the room, and the sight of Frodo, Lainie, fazy and the Twins watching them with thinly veiled interest was enough to for him to make up his mind. "Upstairs," he breathed. "Now."


^PHEW. They're not gonna do it on my Kashmir rug. YAY!^
//WHAT?!?//
~Dude, little dude said 'yay'.~
//Yes, I know what he said. I just cant believe he said it.//
"Cos you just want to see two hot elves make out."
|| Darn right. Of course she does. Who wouldn't want to see two hot elves make out?||
//Yeah! Thanks, Lainie.//
|| Don't mention. Especially since *ahem* you two don't look like you're gonna start making out anytime soon.|| (Lainie does a death-glare)
"What?!"
~Us?!?~
"Dude, we're like, twins."
~Yeah.~
"That's like..."
~Incest.~
"Twincest."
*Lainie's eyes cloud over wistfully*
~Dude, chill.~
*Lainie snaps back to reality with a small 'poof'.*
|| Darn. We have GOT to get them into slashy mode. Now where did you put that manual?||
//What manual?//
|| You know, the one that came with the twins||
//I dunno. I guess I chucked it out with the trash.//
|| You WHAT?!?||
//That's what I always do with manuals. I chuck them in recycling bins.//
^Er... we were talking about me.^
//Frodo, you have enough screen time in the movies. Sod off.//